A Place In Time
by Elizabeth Anderson
Summary: After Jadzia Dax dies, Dr. Bashir finds a way to go back in time and stop the tragedy, but things turn out very different than he expected.
1. Into the Future

*Please, be kind. This is my first fan-fic that I've let anybody read, and I would love to know what people think of it. Reviews are really appreciated.  
  
  
  
*A Place in Time  
  
It was the day after Jadzia's wedding. Julian was miserable, constantly chastising himself for letting her go. He had never really told her that he loved her; maybe if he had she wouldn't be married to Worf. She thought he was just a flirtatious young doctor with a crush on her. Maybe he was. No, he'd been over that a thousand times before. It had started out that way, but he was really in love with her now. Somehow, I've got to put this behind me he thought as he sat in Quark's, sulkily sipping a raktijeno. He was still trying to fool himself, but he knew that he could never truly forget her.  
  
Suddenly, Julian felt a strong hand on his shoulder. As he looked up, Miles O'Brien sat down in the seat opposite him.  
  
"How are you" he asked, his voice full of sympathy. If anyone had a hint of Julian's true feelings it was Miles.  
  
"Fine." he answered.  
  
"Yeah, right, and my mother was a Cardy. Come on Julian, I know how you feel. You can't bluff me"  
  
"No I guess I can't." He said with a wry smile. "I'll be all right in a few days."  
  
"Maybe. There's something bugging you though. What is it?"  
  
"Oh I don't know." Julian said with a slight groan. "I'm not sure. I just feel like there's something wrong with all this. It seems so ...fake."  
  
"I think I know what you mean. It's kind of weird, Jadzia going against the Trill board and all."  
  
"Not only that, but it's...well, out of the clear blue sky she suddenly decides she's infatuated with Klingon culture. It's not like her to be so narrowly focused. I've known her a long time" Julian sighed.  
  
"I know. I'll leave you alone now. If you need anything at all just let me know. Have dinner with us tonight. I know Keiko would be glad to have you, and Molly has been asking for her 'Uncle Julie'." He smiled.  
  
"Thanks Miles. I'll be there."  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
Months passed, and Julian still didn't feel any better. Outwardly, he appeared as exuberant as usual. He even pretended to flirt with other women, but only to make sure Jadzia didn't feel bad about him. Inside, he was still miserable and getting even more so. He cringed every time he saw Jadzia with Worf, and felt like doing something awful to him. Julian's relationship with Jadzia naturally became somewhat strained, but they were still good friends.  
  
Julian kept to himself a lot, and didn't associate much with the rest of the crew, unless it was the O'Brien family. He grew very attached to Molly, and spent his off duty hours playing with her. Life was extremely dull for Julian...until something happened.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It all passed in a blur. He didn't really know what had happened. He only knew that he was dead inside, which for him was worse than being physically dead. He could remember bits and pieces of things: A Pah Wraith, Captain Sisko bellowing out orders, Miles comforting him for...something. And then he would remember it all, and live through the torment again and again. It filled his dreams, turning them into nightmares until he would wake up in a cold sweat.  
  
Jadzia was dead. The Wraith had killed her, murdered her. And he, Dr. Julian Bashir had been unable to save her. He had extracted the Dax symbiont from her lifeless body and placed it in stasis. But what good was that? He didn't care anything for the wormy creature, except that Jadzia had cared. It would live on, while Jadzia was gone forever. He had tried desperately, spent over fifteen hours in surgery, trying to repair her damaged nerves, trying to find a way for her to live without Dax. Then she had died, and he with her. He would never be able to live without her. And he hated Worf. Worf had grieved for the Klingon ritual period of seven days, and then went on as though nothing had happened.  
  
Every day since her death, Julian made a vow that he would spend the rest of his life in finding a way to unjoin Trill hosts from their symbionts.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Several months later, Julian woke up with a very strange feeling. It felt as though he were in two places at once, although he knew that was impossible. All day as he finished his medical reports, he felt that he was living two lives as the same time. When he went to sleep at night, his dreams were always the same: He would wake up and go to work on the promenade. Sisko and Odo and all the rest of the regular station crew were there, and life went on, like it was before Jadzia died. Except there was one difference: someone named Ezri was there, and Jadzia wasn't.  
  
Julian would usually wake up remembering his dreams, and wondering who Ezri was, but it was not for a few more weeks that he found out. He had just fallen asleep, or woken up in the dream, when Ezri came up to him and started laughing. When he asked her what the joke was, she said that she was remembering how funny he thought the purple oceans on Trill were. How could Ezri have known that? He had only seen Trill's oceans in Jadzia's Delhern Park holo-program. Then something began to dawn on him. As he remembered other things Ezri had said, he became more and more convinced that Ezri was the new host for the Dax symbiont. The thought shocked him. He couldn't imagine that this incredibly young and bubbly officer carried Jadzia's thoughts and memories with her. Or could she?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Julian now spent all of his free time studying Trill physiology. He was growing more and more concerned about his dreams however. They became more real every night, and he was beginning to feel distant from his present timeline. It was now not only at night that Julian had the "dreams". He would find himself drifting off in the middle of the day, but could do nothing about it. It was as if he were living in two alternate existences at once. The dreams were preventing him from working on his Trill project, which was unacceptable, so he decided to seek the advice of a neuro- psychologist. He requested a runabout from Captain Sisko on the pretext of a medical convention on Earth.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Julian arrived at his appointment with Dr. Richard Calvin exactly on time. He was shown into a large office overlooking an artificial waterfall.  
  
"Well Dr. Bashir, how can I help you" said Dr. Calvin in a quiet voice.  
  
Julian then proceeded to tell the doctor everything that had happened since Jadzia's death.  
  
"I have heard of only two other cases with symptoms like yours." said Dr. Calvin, "My opinion is that the trauma caused by your friends death, has projected your mind into an alternate timeline. It seems impossible, but has been proven to be quite the opposite. This timeline where we are conversing right now, is the result of your friend not being replaced. The new host for your friend's symbiont was not assigned to your station, and therefore you do not know her in this existence. However, in the other timeline, the symbiont was placed inside the Ezri personality you described. You made friends with her, and therefore the gap left by your friend, was filled by this new person."  
  
"It sounds rather complicated." said Julian skeptically.  
  
"Anything to do with the time concept in complicated. This IS quite possible though. I really don't see any other explanation for your problem."  
  
"What happened to the two cases you mentioned earlier?" Julian asked with some concern.  
  
"Well, that's not such good news." Dr. Calvin sighed. "The first case lived in both lines all of her life. On her last visit with me, she described that her alternate self had been killed. Two days later, she was killed in exactly the same way she had been in her 'dream'. The second case is even more bizarre. He came to me with these dreams in the same way you have. On each visit here, he became more and more involved with his alternate life. His other self was apparently much happier than he was in this timeline, so the poor man spent his own life searching for a time portal to transport him into his dreams. On one of his journeys, he went through an unstable wormhole, and actually ended up in his past, meeting his younger self. Somehow, he made it back, but I don't know what happened to him since."  
  
"How do you know about his experience through the wormhole if you haven't heard from him?" questioned Julian.  
  
"After he had not returned in several years, I looked through his files and requested further information on him. I got back his report, which chronicled his experience. The strange part is that he didn't remember ever having any dreams or leading an alternate existence at all. I'm inclined to believe that he fixed whatever caused him to have the dreams in the first place, when he went back in time."  
  
"So he cured himself of this. How did he make it back here though?"  
  
"I don't know. The commonality in those two cases, and yours too, are that the dreams started immediately after personal trauma, namely the death of a loved one."  
  
"I see. There's no cure then, is there." solemnly spoke Julian.  
  
"None yet discovered. I'm very sorry. If you have any more problems, or if the dreams get worse, please feel free to come back." Said Dr. Calvin sympathetically.  
  
"Thank you Dr., Goodbye."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Julian spent the next three years on Deep Space Nine, until he was granted a much-worked-for transfer to a Trill outpost. There he was assigned the position of performing autopsies on dead Trill, which helped him greatly to learn how the race's system operates. He was also saddened however, for every female Trill always reminded him of Jadzia.  
  
After several years of working with the dead, Julian was transferred to trauma surgery, where he could work on real Trill instead of just holo- simulations. Most of Julian's experimental surgeries were complete failures, but luckily they were performed on Trill that would die of injuries anyway, regardless of what was done to help them.  
  
Twenty years later, Julian was Chief of Medical Research on Trill. He had had several successes to boost his confidence, and had actually unjoined a Trill where the host body survived for nearly a year after the symbiont's removal. Secretly, in the back of his mind, Julian was hoping that he could find a way back to his past, like the man who went through the wormhole. If he could learn how to unjoin Trill where the host body would survive for a normal life span, he could go back to Jadzia and save her from her fate. His love for her had never died within him, even after almost a quarter of a century had passed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Finally, after five years of impatient waiting and watching, Julian was convinced that he had succeeded in his goal. He was now sixty-two years old, and had unjoined a Trill in which the host had survived normally for five years, and had no sign of weakening life functions. He had devised a new way to repair nerve stems, which the trill symbiont bonds to and changes the configuration of. After so many years of patient waiting, Julian had done it. If only he could get back to Jadzia.  
  
He still suffered from his dreams. In his alternate existence, he had married Ezri after Captain Sisko departed to be with 'the prophets'. Odo had rejoined the changelings, Miles was the father of six, ,Worf had been violently killed by the Jem Hadaar, and things were generally a mess.  
  
Julian had heard of a man who claimed to be able to transport himself to a different time at will. If he could do that, he might be able to take passengers. He decided that he would go and see this man as soon as possible.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Good day, Mr. De'nchek." said Julian, "I have come to you for the purpose of time travel."  
  
"I'm sorry Dr. Bashir. I don't take passengers."  
  
"Money is no object. I will pay whatever you ask."  
  
"Sorry, but I can't. It's too dangerous to risk." shortly barked De'nchek.  
  
"Five thousand bars of gold-pressed latinum." said Julian hastily. He had made a huge fortune off of his experiments, so he could easily quadruple this sum if necessary.  
  
"Five thousand?...sorry, still too dangerous." De'nchek said with some interest.  
  
"Ten thousand. I will decide if it's too dangerous."  
  
"Ten thousand!" he had obviously never seen that large amount before." You've got yourself a deal! What time do you want to see?" the question seemed oddly put, but to the point.  
  
"I need to go back to the Alpha quadrant border, Deep Space Nine, the station that orbited Bajor. Stardate 51931.2" *No wait. * He thought, *If I went back just a little bit farther, I might have a chance to stop her wedding. * "Change that to Stardate 50263.4."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As Julian, boarded the peculiar-looking shuttlecraft, he thought that might never return to this time again. What if something went wrong, or De'nchek was just a crazy fool? What if he didn't remember how to perform the surgery correctly when he went back? These and a thousand other terrible thoughts flooded Julian's mind with horror. But it was all for Jadzia, so it was worth it.  
  
De'nchek started the engines, and the shuttle shot off at terrific speed, until it suddenly just disappeared in a flash of light…………. (To be Continued) 


	2. The Return

A Place in Time  
  
Chapter 2, The Return  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Julian had woken up that morning with a very strange feeling. He had had a dream in which he had aged at least thirty years and was coming back in time to do something. He didn't know what, but there had been a strange pilot person, who had left him on DS9, and flown away. It had seemed so real though, more real than a normal dream. *Oh well, * he thought, as he headed to Quarks. *Nothing a good raktijeno can't fix. *  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was the day after Jadzia had announced her engagement to Worf. Julian was totally miserable, constantly chastising himself for letting her go. He had never really told her that he loved her; maybe if he had she wouldn't be engaged to Worf. She thought he was just a flirtatious young doctor with a crush on her. Maybe he was. No, he'd been over that a thousand times before. It had started out that way, but he was really in love with her now. "Somehow, I've got to put this behind me" he thought as he sat in Quark's, sulkily sipping a raktijeno. He was still trying to fool himself, but he knew that he could never truly forget her.  
  
Suddenly, Julian felt a strong hand on his shoulder. As he looked up, Miles O'Brien sat down in the seat opposite him.  
  
"How are you" he asked, his voice full of sympathy. If anyone had a hint of Julian's true feelings it was Miles.  
  
"Fine." he answered.  
  
"Yeah, right, and I'm a Cardassian. Come on Julian, I know how you feel. You can't bluff me"  
  
"No I guess I can't." He said with a wry smile. "I'll be all right in a few days."  
  
"Maybe. There's something bugging you though. What is it?"  
  
"Oh I don't know." Julian said with a slight groan. "I'm not sure. I just feel like there's something wrong with all this. It seems so ...fake."  
  
"I think I know what you mean. It's kind of weird, Jadzia going against the Trill board and all."  
  
"Not only that, but it's...well, out of the clear blue sky she suddenly decides she's infatuated with Klingon culture. It's not like her to be so narrowly focused. I've known her a long time" Julian sighed. "There's something wrong going on here. Somehow, I've got find out what it is. I mean, she didn't even tell me she was involved with Worf. She's always told me everything before."  
  
"I know. What do you think is going on?"  
  
"I have no idea. If I didn't know better, I'd say that Jadzia was subconsciously forced into this." Julian said with a puzzled look on his face."  
  
"Subconsciously forced? You mean drugged?"  
  
"In all seriousness, she might have been. I think I'll run a diagnostic on her recent medical history. Maybe I'll find something. You never know."  
  
"That's a new one! I've never met a guy who thought his girlfriend was drugged just because she ditched him. "Miles laughed. "Seriously though, do you honestly think there's something wrong here?"  
  
"I really do. I don't know what it is, but something is definitely wrong. Jadzia has never been so impulsive. She's acting out of character."  
  
"Well, I'll leave you alone to find out. If you need anything at all, just let me know. Have dinner with us tonight. I know Keiko would be glad to have you, and Molly has been asking for her 'Uncle Julie'." He smiled.  
  
"Thanks Miles. I'll be there."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Julian headed to the infirmary with his head dropped down, thinking about Jadzia's strange behavior, when he bumped into someone, causing them to drop the PADD they were carrying.  
  
"Jadzia! I..I'm sorry..I didn't see you." Julian exclaimed when he looked up.  
  
"That's quite all right Dr. Bashir. See you at lunch tomorrow." Jadzia said in a monotone as she walked off.  
  
*Dr. Bashir!?! She's never called me "Dr." Bashir before. There's definitely something wrong here. * Julian thought as he picked up his pace to his lab. Once there, he went through Jadzia's medical records, and analyzed her recent reports. He found nothing abnormal however, and left with a discouraged countenance. *I need a blood sample, but how am I going to get it without her knowing? I could 'accidentally' jab her with a hypo- collector. That might work. I could try anyway. * He thought as he picked up the necessary tool, and stepped into the turbo-lift for OPS.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hello Jadzia." Julian said cheerfully, as he stopped behind Dax's station. "What are you working on?"  
  
"I'm analyzing a plasma fluctuation in the reactor core of a Tyrelian freighter. It's nothing serious." Jadzia spoke with some annoyance in her voice.  
  
Julian, ignoring her remark, leaned over for a closer look at her terminal. A hypo-collector suddenly slipped out of his hand and pricked Jadzia on the shoulder.  
  
"Julian! Watch it, will you." she said as she gruffly slipped out of her chair.  
  
"Sorry." he said quietly. He had never seen Jadzia act this way before. He left OPS and went back to the lab to analyze her blood sample.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Bashir to O'Brien."  
  
"O'Brien here. Go ahead."  
  
"Miles, I think I found something. I analyzed a sample of Jadzia's blood. I didn't see anything at first, but after I ran a more specific drug diagnostic...I think you should come up. I'd like to discuss this with you."  
  
"I'll be right there. By the way, how did manage to get a blood sample?"  
  
"A little luck. Bashir out."  
  
Miles took the turbo lift to the infirmary, puzzling about Bashir's conversation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Well Miles. What do you think?" Julian asked. Miles had been in the lab an hour while Julian explained the results of his tests.  
  
"It's impossible. Worf wouldn't do a thing like that. Besides, where would he get the stuff anyway?"  
  
"I don't know. It may not be Worf. As much as I might want to believe that he did it, it still may have been someone else."  
  
"What are we supposed to do now?" asked Miles with concern.  
  
"We have to do something. Jadzia has to know about this. She won't believe it, I'm sure, but she should know just the same. It's my job to decontaminate her."  
  
"Maybe we should tell Captain Sisko. He's known Dax longer than any of us. Maybe he would know how to tell her."  
  
"All right. Will you come with me? I don't think I'd be able to tell him alone. He might not like the way I went about this." said Julian sheepishly.  
  
"Sure old buddy. Let's go."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Come." spoke Captain Sisko, as the familiar ping of the door sounded. "Hello Dr., O'Brien. Please have a seat. What can I do for you?"  
  
"Um..I a..don't quite know how to begin. I've uncovered something that involves Dax. It's not very pleasant. Miles suggested that we consult you." nervously stammered Julian.  
  
"Is it that bad Dr.? You don't look very well. Can I get you anything?"  
  
"No, thank you. It's just, rather upsetting."  
  
"What is it?" Sisko inquired.  
  
Julian took a deep breath and spoke. "Lately, I've been feeling that something strange was going on with Jadzia. She hasn't been acting normally. She's been impulsive, irritated, cold, all things which are totally opposite her usual self. I have reason to believe that she's been drugged."  
  
"Drugged?" Sisko stared in disbelief; "Do you have proof?"  
  
"I do sir. O'Brien has been over this with me, and he agrees that she HAS been drugged."  
  
"Please explain."  
  
"I went over Jadzia's medical records to see if I could find an anomaly, don't ask why, I hardly know. When that didn't show anything, I..I took a blood sample. She didn't know that I did it. I analyzed it and found traces of golabenzium hydronite, a drug that is used for mind alteration. In the large quantities I found in her blood, her entire thought processes are affected." Julian solemnly spoke, while gaining courage.  
  
"What purpose would this have? Can information be gained through the use of this drug?" questioned Captain Sisko.  
  
"No it can't. The drug cannot extract anything. It can only influence the actions of the victim. If the victim is subjected to intense hypnosis while under the influence of the drug, he or she will remember only the specific act ingrained on their memory, and not the administration of the drug or the hypnosis. In Jadzia's case, I believe that she was forced into attaching herself to Worf. I can see no other purpose in the presence of this chemical."  
  
"That would mean that Worf drugged her. Why? I admit that her engagement was quite sudden. She didn't even hint anything to me about it, which is very unusual. I don't understand the purpose of this." Sisko said with exasperation.  
  
"Miles checked into Klingon marriage customs. It seems that if a Klingon is in love with a woman, it is not dishonorable to obtain her forcibly, which includes the use of administered chemical influences."  
  
"If what you're saying is true, we have a serious problem on our hands. How are we going to resolve it?"  
  
"If we could get Jadzia to sick bay, I could neutralize the drug and eventually flush it out of her system entirely. I don't think she'll come willingly though." said Julian.  
  
"Probably not." admitted Sisko. "Could you get her there on the pretext of a report you need help with?"  
  
"I could try. You and Miles should already be there when she comes though. To keep her there I mean."  
  
"Alright. Have her there in half an hour."  
  
"I'll do my best sir."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Bashir to Dax."  
  
"Dax here. Go ahead."  
  
"Could you come down to the infirmary? I have a report I need your opinion on."  
  
"Can't it wait? I'm busy right now." she said in an aggravated tone.  
  
"I'm afraid not. I have to send it to Starfleet this afternoon. Will you come?"  
  
"I guess so. I'm on my way. Dax out."  
  
"I hate lying to her like that, but I don't see another option." Bashir sullenly said.  
  
"It's alright Dr. It's for a good cause." said Sisko.  
  
"How are we going to neutralize the drug?" asked O'Brien.  
  
"I plan on sedating her as soon as she comes in. I'll need one of you to distract her while I administer the hypo-spray. After that, it will be simple to filter out all of the drug and its remnants." said Dr. Bashir, matter-of-factly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The door chime sounded, and Dax walked into the infirmary. "Hi Julian." she said as she entered, but then noticed that Sisko and O'Brien were present. "What are you two doing here?" she asked rather gruffly.  
  
Sisko walked forward, and started talking to her about some unimportant Cardassian file, while Julian crept up behind her. Just as he was about to inject the sedative, Jadzia whirled around with an angry look on her face.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? What is that for?" she said, looking impatiently at the hypospray. Then she realized what they were trying to do, and she attempted to leave the infirmary. Sisko and O'Brien grabbed her arms, while she struggled violently, but to no avail. The sedative was injected, and she was soon unconscious on a biobed.  
  
Julian went to work and held a tricorder over Jadzia, reading how much golabenzium hydronite was in her system.  
  
"I don't believe the amount she's been administered! Much more of it, and her neural network would be permanently shut down. Whoever did this wanted to make sure she would be submissive."  
  
"Do you think we should get Odo to conduct an investigation, Captain?" asked O'Brien.  
  
"Definitely. Especially on Worf. Even if he is innocent, he's still our prime suspect. Sisko to Odo."  
  
"Odo here. What can I do for you Captain?"  
  
"Come to the infirmary. We have a problem."  
  
"On my way. Odo out."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	3. Revelations

Chapter 3, Revelations  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Two hours later, Julian had finished draining the hydronite from Jadzia, and Odo was following up a lead from a freighter clerk. He had discovered that a shipment of the drug had been smuggled aboard DS9 a few months earlier, and that someone on the station had purchased a small supply for ten bars of gold-pressed latinum. The rest of the drug was confiscated, but the captain of the ship that brought it in, had disappeared.  
  
Julian was sitting by Jadzia's bedside, trying to figure out what he was going to tell her, when her eyes fluttered open.  
  
"Julian?"  
  
"I'm here Jadzia."  
  
"What happened? Why am I here?"  
  
"I don't quite know how to say this, but you've been drugged."  
  
"Drugged? That's impossible. How could I have been drugged?"  
  
"Somehow, you were given several doses of golabenzium hydronite, a mind altering drug. You have had it in your system for about a month now. All decisions you made in that time, were not your own. You were influenced by an outside source, and had no will to rebel against it. Do you remember anything since then?"  
  
"I think so. I finished my report on Banilian ecology depletion, had my bat'leth lessons with Worf, and...wait. There's something more about Worf. What is it Julian?" she asked with some alarm, for Julian's face had sunk when she mentioned Worf.  
  
"You really don't remember then?"  
  
"Remember what?"  
  
"You are engaged to Worf. Have been for nearly a week. You announced it at Quark's, and said you would be married as soon as the war is over." Julian looked at her expression at he said this, and was amazed at the variety of emotions she had shown. First it was disbelief, then shock, and finally anger and frustration.  
  
"Engaged! To Worf! That's ridiculous. It's impossible. He asked me two months ago, and I refused. I may like their music, but I could never marry a Klingon." Jadzia had barely finished this outburst, when Julian suddenly gave her a big hug and emerged grinning ear to ear, relief spread across his features.  
  
"You have no idea how happy this makes me. I kept thinking there was something strange about this. I knew you wouldn't do anything so rash, especially without telling me anything about it first, so I could discourage you."  
  
Jadzia blushed when he said this. Somehow, she felt something different about him. Like he'd been in pain and was suddenly well again.  
  
"Are you ok Julian? You look tired." she asked with concern.  
  
"I'm fine now. I've been very worried about you. I nearly panicked when I found that you had been drugged."  
  
"How did you find out? I know I didn't just tell you."  
  
"Well, actually..I..um...."  
  
After he finished telling her the underhanded methods he used, she burst out laughing.  
  
"You aren't mad are you?" he said, sheepishly.  
  
"Of course not. I really owe you one. If you hadn't poked me with that thing I could be married to Worf right now." She cringed and then they both started laughing. Somehow, Julian found Worf an object of humor instead of hatred, now that Jadzia wasn't attached to him.  
  
"Seriously though, what are we going to do? Do you have any idea who did this to me?" she asked Julian, gravely.  
  
"Odo's working on it. I don't know if he's found anything yet though." Julian hated to keep the information on Worf from Jadzia, but he didn't want to upset her while she was still recovering.  
  
"Odo to Bashir." Julian jumped at this unexpected hail.  
  
"Bashir here. Go ahead."  
  
"I found out something that might interest you. Could you meet me security?"  
  
"On my way. Bashir out. Try to rest now Jadzia. You've had a pretty rough day."  
  
"Doctor's orders I suppose." She said with a frown. "Ok. Julian, what am I going to do about Worf? He thinks I'm still going to marry him. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't go through with it. Can I?"  
  
"No!" he shouted with panic." You definitely can't. Unless you really have feelings for him." He added hesitatingly.  
  
"He's a good friend, but I don't feel anything for him. Will you help me break it him? I don't think I could alone."  
  
"If you like. We'll talk more when I get back. "He said with relief.  
  
As she watched him leave the infirmary, she thought how good a friend he was. *He was my first real friend since I was joined. But he kind of forgets about Dax sometimes, and treats me like a normal person, instead of a three century old joined Trill. I wish there was something I could do to repay him. He's done so much for me. * Then she laughingly thought of the times he used to chase after her and flirt. She kind of missed it. *I wonder why he doesn't do it anymore? He just stopped thinking of me like that I guess. I'm just a good friend. * Something in the back of her mind told her that she regretted not encouraging him before. He was always there for her, and gave her comfort. Suddenly, she felt uncomfortable. Why was she thinking so much about Julian?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As Julian headed across the promenade towards security, he thought how relieved he was that Jadzia had nothing to do with Worf and that things were back to normal. He was filled with regret that he could not tell her how much he loved her, but he knew that it would ruin their friendship if he did.  
  
When Julian entered security, he was greeted by Odo and a grave-faced Captain Sisko.  
  
"What have you found?" he asked anxiously.  
  
"I ran a sensor sweep of the station, specifically calibrated to search for golabenzium hydronite. It was found in two places, Cargo bay 7, and Worf's quarters."  
  
"Worf's quarters? I guess I didn't really believe he did it, but now."  
  
"I know how you feel Dr. I didn't want to believe it either." said Sisko.  
  
"Odo, I know this sounds strange, but isn't this just a little too easy? I mean, all of this showed up so suddenly, and it's all been perfectly timed. First the smugglers, then Jadzia, and now Worf." said Julian.  
  
"My thoughts exactly Dr. I think Worf's been framed." Odo stated.  
  
"Who would frame him? And for what purpose?" Sisko asked.  
  
"That I don't know...yet." said Odo.  
  
"Perhaps we should talk to Worf himself. If he's guilty, his honor will prevent him from denying it. If he's innocent, he might have some insight as to why he was framed." suggested Sisko.  
  
"You might be right Captain. Odo to Worf."  
  
"Worf here."  
  
"We need you in security as soon as possible."  
  
"On my way."  
  
"Well, I should be going. I have some reports to fill out." said Julian.  
  
"I'd like you to stay Dr. You may be of some help to us." said Sisko.  
  
"Of course, if you think I could help." Julian was pleased that the Captain actually needed him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"How dare you accuse me of this outrage! I am insulted and prepared to defend my honor!" stormed Worf after he had been informed of the situation.  
  
"Calm down Worf! We would not have asked to come here if we were convinced of your guilt. On the contrary, we thought you may have some insight on this." The Captain said soothingly.  
  
"I have no idea how the drug got into my quarters. And I would certainly not give it to Jadzia. I wish her to marry me of her own free will."  
  
"What about the Klingon marriage rule?" asked Julian.  
  
"I do not believe in taking woman by force. It is not honorable."  
  
"Who would do this to you? Who would try to make you look dishonorable?" Odo interrogated.  
  
"I don't know! I told you that before. You all know that I am separated from my family. Any of them would do this, but they could not have access to my quarters, or the rest of the station."  
  
"Then it must be someone on the inside." said Sisko.  
  
"Perhaps we should ask Quark." said Odo, thoughtfully.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A few days later, Odo discovered that a freighter pilot named Haj Duhan had brought most of the golabenzium hydronite to DS9. He sold it to a Bajoran woman who resold it to a Cardassian. The strange part was that there were no Cardassians on the station at the time of the sale, not even Garak who was on Bajor purchasing new fabric. After a DNA scan of the area, it was discovered that a Founder was responsible for the sale. Odo made certain that it was not still on the station, but why would a Founder be involved at all?  
  
As it turned out, the Founder was an escaped convict, and unwelcome on his homeworld. He was in the pay of the Cardassians to sabotage the station. The Cardassians had planned to dispose of two senior officers at once, by slowly administering enough hydronite to Jadzia to eventually kill her, and making it appear as if Worf did it. He would be removed from the station, and in the ensuing disorder, the Cardassians would make their move.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After the incident had been cleared up, and the station was normal again, Julian went to talk to Jadzia about Worf. He felt bad for her that she had to play such an unwilling part in the whole mess, and wanted to make sure she was all right. As he approached the door to her quarters, he thought how much his feelings had changed over the past few days. He had gone from utter despair to near elation. He no longer hated Worf, though he still didn't like him very much. And he might even have another chance with Jadzia. She hadn't seemed negative about spending a lot of time with him lately. He pushed the door chime and waited.  
  
"Hello Julian." Jadzia said cheerfully. "Please come in." As he walked past her, he thought how beautiful she looked in her off duty attire. The lower neck showed more of her spots than usual, and he wondered if they really did go all the way down.  
  
"Jadzia, I just wanted to make sure that you're alright. It's been very stressful lately." Julian spoke with concern.  
  
"I'm ok. I just feel a little bad for Worf. I think he really did care for me. I hated to break it with him, after he thought I loved him, but I had to." She said, a little downcast.  
  
"You'll feel better soon. You did what you had to do, and I know it makes you feel bad, but Worf will get over it sooner than you think." Said Julian, soothingly. He even ventured to put his hand on her shoulder.  
  
Jadzia's back tingled at his touch, and she was sure she could feel her spots darkening, but she didn't shrink away. How could she move when it felt so good? She couldn't remember when she had felt more at peace, than when Julian was there, comforting her. She was a little afraid of her feelings. Why did she feel different about him lately? She was on the verge of admitting to herself that she cared for him a little more than just a good friend, but something in the back of her mind stopped her. She heard Dax telling her to be rational, reminding her of the Symbiosis board. Then she pulled back a little, and looked at Julian. She could tell that he was worried about her.  
  
"Are you ok?" He asked.  
  
"Yes. I'm pretty hungry though." She laughed. He smiled back at her, and she looked into his eyes. Endless, shimmering, brown pools. They had a sort of hypnotic effect on her, forcing her to move closer to him.  
  
"Will you have dinner with me?" he said, looking into her eyes. Endless, shimmering, cerulean pools. They had a sort of hypnotic effect on him, forcing him to move closer to her.  
  
Their faces were very close now, almost touching. Still slowly moving forward, their lips nearly met. Then Jadzia's combadge sounded, shattering the mood entirely. Julian pulled quickly away, "I'm sorry." he muttered, still looking at her. *I'm sorry too* she thought. But was she sorry for giving in to him, or sorry that they had been interrupted? Even she couldn't answer that question. Her combadge sounded again.  
  
"Dax here, go ahead."  
  
"This is Worf. I wish to speak with you privately. May I see you in your quarters in ten minutes?"  
  
Jadzia panicked. The last thing she wanted was to see Worf. *What do I do? * she mouthed to Julian. *You decide* he mouthed back.  
  
"Um...sure I suppose." she didn't sound too confidant, but Worf wasn't astute enough to pick it up.  
  
"I will be there." he said. "Worf out."  
  
"Julian, what do I say to him?" she sounded desperate.  
  
"That depends on what he says to you. I should go. Would you like to talk when he leaves?"  
  
"Please don't go. I don't want to be alone with him." she begged.  
  
"Jadzia, he specifically said 'privately'. That meant alone. Are you afraid he'll do something?" He asked with a new concern.  
  
"I...I don't think so. Please stay. You can wait in the bedroom until he leaves."  
  
"Well,..alright. You've convinced me. It will be fine Jadzia. I promise." He was surprised at how nervous she was. She usually showed no sign of discomposure even under stress. She led him to her bedroom, and partially closed the door, leaving a two-inch wide crack. He paced impatiently for awhile, and then looked around a bit. The room was decorated with various artifacts from the worlds she had visited, as well as pictures of her family and friends. He stopped to look at these, and found a very good one Sisko and Jake in baseball uniforms. Major Kira was represented, as well as the entire O'Brien family. As he neared the end of the row, he found a very old man staring at him. *This must be Curzon* he thought. He looked like he could handle all the women he was famed for. For a minute, Julian thought he had seen all the pictures, but as he glanced at the nightstand, he saw that there were three more. One was of Jadzia's parents. She had shown him that one when she first came to the station, and he knew that she missed them a lot. The second was of a little girl, maybe Jadzia's sister. Julian was very surprised at the third though. It was of Jadzia and himself in dress uniform. How did she get that? He was still wondering about it, when the door chime sounded, and he heard Worf step in to the outer room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Good evening, Jadzia." Worf said.  
  
"Good evening Worf." She said with assumed cheerfulness.  
  
"You look well tonight. You probably know what I wish to speak with you about."  
  
"No...I really don't. Know what you want I mean. Thank you for the compliment." She felt a little bit confused by his abruptness, and stammered out her answers unnaturally.  
  
"I have requested a transfer, and was given the position of Security Chief on Gaalos 4." Worf said in a monotone.  
  
"I hadn't heard that you were leaving. Are you sure that this is what you want?"  
  
"It is not what I want." He said slowly, "It is what I must do. I have come to ask you to accompany me. I still wish you to be my mate. If you refuse, I have come to say goodbye. I will probably never see you again." He came as close to begging as a Klingon ever did.  
  
Jadzia thought carefully before giving him an answer. She knew that she had no feelings for him, but she found it hard to hurt him again. He had been a pretty good friend after all. Then her thoughts strayed to Julian, and how wonderful he had been to her through this stressful time. But there was Dax again, warning her to be careful, and put Julian away. *Fine* she thought *I just won't get involved with anyone. *  
  
"Worf, I'm sorry that you feel this way about me, but I can't go with you. My life is here on the station, and I don't really want to change that. I feel terrible for the pain I caused you, and I wish there was something I could do to ease it. I sincerely hope that you find someone else that's much better suited for you than I am. Please don't leave the station on my account though. We can still be friends I hope?" Jadzia breathed with relief now that her speech was over.  
  
"I appreciate your friendship, but I have already committed to the transfer. It is for the best. Thank you for your time. I will not trouble you again. Goodbye." and with that, Worf left Jadzia's quarters without looking back.  
  
As soon as the door closed behind Worf, Julian stepped back in the outer room,  
  
"Everything all right?" he asked with concern.  
  
"Yes. I guess. I feel awful for Worf. I caused him so much pain, but it wasn't really my fault. Was it?"  
  
"No Jadzia, it wasn't. You had nothing to do with it." He said soothingly.  
  
"In all my eight lifetimes, I have never had to deal with something like this before. I don't know what to do." To Julian's surprise, she was close to tears. He had never seen her break down before, and tried his best to comfort her, but somehow he felt as lost as she did.  
  
"It's ok. Everything will be fine. Shall we go down to Quark's and have something cold to drink?"  
  
"Yes, I think I'd like that." she said. And they headed out towards the promenade.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Time passed, and Jadzia and Julian became even closer friends. They had never mentioned the almost-kiss, or what they felt, and to Julian's dismay, he began to think that his hopes were in vain after all. He wouldn't spoil their friendship for anything though, so he kept silent and continued in the current situation. Jadzia still felt torn. Part of her, the unjoined part if there was such a thing, felt a little more than gratitude for Julian. If he would have encouraged her more, she might have understood herself better, but she didn't want to get her hopes up for nothing. He might not like her that way at all. The Dax part of her kept up continual warnings against getting too close to Julian, and try as she might, she couldn't completely ignore them. *Oh well, * she thought, *I'll just wait and see what happens. *  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Their struggle continued for almost a year. They rarely spent time with anyone but each other, but the closer they became, the larger the emotional barriers grew. Dax became an annoyance to Jadzia, with its constant reminders of what she was desperately trying to forget. *He's too young* or *He's not a joined Trill* or *He's not a Trill at all* plagued her mind relentlessly. At one point, she almost wished that she was not joined, but quickly dismissed the thought. It was a blasphemy in Trill culture to not wish to be joined.  
  
It would not be long before she was forced to decide if she meant it…………….  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	4. The Memory

Sorry this Chapter took so long…. Anyway, here it is.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Julian was frantic. He had spent the last hour running around the station, trying to find Jadzia. Gul Dukat had invaded the station; somehow he managed to beam onboard, and he was reeking havoc on the promenade. One of Quark's precious lobes had been blown off, and Rom had been knocked into a coma by a tricorder blow. He rounded a corner and arrived just in front of the infirmary. Then he saw Jadzia tearing up the stairs towards the Bajoran temple.  
  
As Julian reached the temple, Gul Dukat himself appeared, not a hundred yards behind Jadzia.  
  
"Jadzia! Behind you!" frantically shouted Julian, as he ran to aid her. But it was too late. As she whirled to face Dukat, he fired his phaser. She took it directly in the abdomen, and fell face down on the cold floor.  
  
"No!!!!" Julian screamed, simultaneously going for Dukat's throat. In his pain, Julian sounded like a mix between a mortally wounded cat, and a vicious lion, about to kill its prey. They struggled hand to hand for a few minutes, which seemed like an eternity to Julian. Captain Sisko, Odo and O'Brien appeared on the promenade, just in time to see Julian lunge at Dukat. They were amazed that Julian had lasted this long against the incredibly powerful Dukat. O'Brien was about to go help Bashir, when Sisko held him back.  
  
"He needs to deal with this himself." Sisko told him.  
  
"But why Sir? He can't hold up much longer."  
  
Sisko turned his head toward Dax. He seemed to be the only one who deduced the situation, but he was too much in shock to call for a nurse to help Dax. O'Brien followed the Captain's gaze, and immediately became somber. He knew better than anyone that Julian was in love with Jadzia, and felt as the Captain did, that Julian should deal with Dukat himself; as long as could that is.  
  
Under normal circumstances, Julian would long ago have succumbed to Dukat's power, but now, with fear for Jadzia, and despicable hatred for Dukat on his side, he had almost superhuman strength. He could feel Dukat straining against him, and took advantage of the opportunity to place his hands around the Cardassian's throat. He squeezed with every ounce of his being. He must do this quickly, Jadzia might still be alive and he was the only one who could help her. Dukat was weakening, and fell to his knees, gasping for breath. All the will for peace was gone from Julian, he only desired to see this pig punished by death, and if he was the executioner, so much the better.  
  
"He's really going to kill him." Sisko said to no one in particular.  
  
"I believe he is Sir." said O'Brien. He was not about to stop Julian. One less Cardy in the world would be a blessing.  
  
Sisko finally snapped out of it. "I want Dukat alive. He's of no use to us dead." A security team immediately tried to separate Julian and Dukat. It was not easy, for Julian had an iron grip on Dukat's throat, causing the veins to bulge out on his face. He was very near death, and the team released him from Julian just in time. He keeled over, unconscious.  
  
Once Dukat was out of Julian's sight, he rushed over to the forgotten Jadzia. Not many had noticed her, and those that had were too shocked to do anything. She was still lying on her face, and Julian rolled her over, placing her head tenderly in his lap. A few tears of anguish escaped from his eyes and dropped on Jadzia's neck. He felt for her pulse, and joyfully shouted: "She's alive!" to everybody. He immediately tried to put his feelings aside, and become the doctor again. He ran a tricorder over her, and examined her wound, which was very serious. He didn't bother to call for a stretcher, but very gently picked Jadzia up and carried her across the way to the infirmiry. *If anything happens to her, I'll kill myself* he thought on the way. He placed her on a surgical biobed, not noticing that Sisko and O'Brien had followed him in. Odo was cleaning up the mess on the promenade. A nurse was put in charge of Dukat, and she soon had him out of danger.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
An hour later, Julian was no farther along than before. Jadzia had still not woken up, and her life signs were not very strong. He refused to admit it to himself, but it was very unlikely that Jadzia would survive this. He was about to give her a stimulant, when he remembered Dax. Somehow he always seemed to forget about the symbiont. It was difficult for him to view Jadzia as two separate beings. He ran a tricorder over her abdomen to analyze Dax's condition, and was horrified at what he found. The symbiont was injured, and was draining energy from Jadzia's system. If he didn't remove Dax, Jadzia would die of chemical depletion, but if he did remove Dax, she would die of neural failure; unless he could find a way to restore her neural functions without the symbiont. It had never been done before, even by Trill physicians who spent their entire lives researching the problem. Julian tried again and again to stop Dax from feeding off Jadzia, but without success. He didn't know what to do.  
  
"Captain, I need to speak with you." Julian said, in a tired voice. After he had told all that was going on, Benjamin said:  
  
"If you remove Dax from Jadzia's body, what are the chances of survival for both?"  
  
"That's hard to say. A separation's never been done before, so I really don't know the odds. I'd guess about a hundred thousand to one." He said gloomily," For Dax, all we'd have to do is place it in stasis after healing it's wound, then send it to Trill for a new host body. It's not that complicated."  
  
"I really don't see another option Dr. We are obliged by the Trill treaty to do all in our power to save the symbiont. We must remove it from Jadzia." Sisko held up his hand, as Julian was about to say something, "I don't care more about Dax than I do about Jadzia, but we must preserve peace with Trill I have full confidence in your ability to save Jadzia, Dr.. I have not forgotten the many lives you've saved through your marvelous work."  
  
"Very well, Captain. I will do my best." Julian said gloomily. He prepared a stasis chamber for Dax, called two nurses, and set to work. He healed the external burns and scarring from Jadzia's stomach, and removed the symbiont. Through the whole procedure, Julian was reminded of the time when Verad had forced him to transplant Dax. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done. Now, this was infinitely more difficult because he was going in blind. *Wait, I know what to do. I have to attach a neural stabilizer to her cerebral cortex, and replace the nerves that Dax was attached to. Then I must stimulate her brain functions and monitor their alpha wave patterns. I'll reattach the new nerves to her spinal column, and that should do it. * He felt satisfied that he knew how to proceed, but then, *How do I know this? I couldn't have read about it, it doesn't exist. * Then other things crept into his mind. A strange looking shuttle, dreams, dead Trill, a young Trill girl, he somehow associated with Dax. *Oh well, I'll take advantage of this while I can. It seems like it should work. *  
  
Julian gathered together all the things he would need for the operation, and was surprisingly calm, considering his feelings. After about four hours straight, he sent one of the nurses to report to Sisko that he would not be done for quite some time. The surgery was taking an incredibly long time. Between keeping Jadzia alive, and regenerating her systems, it would probably not be done in less than twenty hours, maybe more.  
  
More time passed. When Julian looked at the life support monitor, he let out a gasp. Jadzia's life signs had started to stabilize.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~  
  
Captain Sisko woke up, dressed, and headed for the promenade. It was the morning after the Dukat incident, and Benjamin was anxious to see how Jadzia was, if she were still alive. He approached the infirmary just in time to meet Major Kira coming out.  
  
"How is she, Nerys?" He asked.  
  
"Well, she's alive. I don't know much more than that. Julian's still operating on her."  
  
"But he started almost thirty hours ago! Has he had a rest?" Sisko exclaimed in surprise.  
  
"No. The nurses have been changed five or six times, but Julian hasn't even sat down. I think his adrenaline is working overtime here."  
  
"He's insane." Sisko said.  
  
"He's in love. Maybe that's the same thing." said Kira with a dry smile.  
  
"Is he really? I thought it was just a game between them."  
  
"Isn't it obvious? Besides, he's her closest friend.. I think his devotion's sweet."  
  
Benjamin slightly frowned when Nerys said this. Catching his thoughts, Kira said:  
  
"Captain, she's not Curzon anymore. She's only half Dax, and the rest of her is Jadzia. She is a separate person than Curzon."  
  
"You're right, I know. Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the past." Benjamin sighed.  
  
"That's what the present is for. Jadzia could be just as good a friend as Curzon was if you let her. Maybe better. She has values." Kira grinned, while Benjamin laughed, both relieved that the tension was gone. Just as they finished talking, Julian stepped into the anteroom of the infirmary.  
  
"Julian, how is she?" they both asked at the same time.  
  
"I am overjoyed to say that her vital signs are stable. I have great hopes that my surgery was successful. I gave her a neural sedative to help her adjust to the unjoining, so she won't be awake for a few days." Despite his exuberant appearance, Julian looked exhausted. He became more serious as he said:" Of course, there's still a chance she won't accept the new nerves, and her brain might try to compensate by releasing adrenaline,...which would cause a hemorrhage. I have a constant watch on her, and the slightest change will be treated immediately."  
  
"What are her chances?"  
  
"I'd say a good seventy percent." He said, trying to suppress a yawn.  
  
"I knew I could count on you Dr. I will personally make certain that your achievement is recognized." Said Sisko with pride.  
  
"Please don't be too certain just yet. I don't know how Jadzia will react to the nerve implants. When she wakes up, she may not remember anything since her joining. She may not want to live without Dax." he said gloomily.  
  
"I know Jadzia, and she would want to live no matter what. She'll adjust to the change, and be happy." said Kira adamantly.  
  
"Dr., when was the last time you had something to eat and a rest? asked Sisko.  
  
"Oh I don't know. Yesterday sometime; I can't remember exactly."  
  
"Go eat and take a nap. You won't be useful to Jadzia if you fall asleep on her. That's an order."  
  
I guess you're right Captain. I'll replicate something, and rest in the infirmary."  
  
"Maybe you should go to your quarters." said Kira  
  
"I really prefer to be near Jadzia. Something might happen, and I've got to be there."  
  
"Very well Dr. I'll see you later. " said Captain Sisko.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Three days later, Jadzia woke up. She was groggy, and sometimes incoherent, but very much alive. Luckily, Julian was at her side when she awoke, so he could give her a pain suppressant immediately. He didn't know if she would remember him or not, so he was very gentle with her, and didn't say a word. When she finally came out of the stupor, and was able to think more clearly, she looked up and saw Bashir sitting on a raised stool next to her.  
  
"Julian..." she mumbled. She was confused, and something didn't feel right. Dax! Dax was gone, it wasn't there inside her. She felt afraid and didn't know what to do.  
  
Julian was elated that she remembered him. Maybe she would remember other things as well.  
  
"Julian.." she said again. "What happened to me? Where's Dax?" She started trembling, and Julian took her hand in his.  
  
"It's going to be ok Jadzia. What do you remember?"  
  
"I...Gul Dukat..I think he shot me. It's all a blank since then. But what happened to Dax?" she was almost panicking. She felt so empty and alone.  
  
Julian spoke very gently and slowly," Dukat shot you point blank in the abdomen. Dax was injured. It was draining all of your nutrients, and if we didn't remove it, you would both die. Dax was placed in stasis. You underwent an experimental surgery to safely unjoin you from Dax. So far it's been successful." He didn't to tell her that Dax was in its way to Trill for a new host body, and that she could never again be joined. Not yet anyway.  
  
"Julian, I'm afraid. I feel so lonely." she was getting groggy again.  
  
"I won't leave you Jadzia. I'll be right her whenever you need me."  
  
Then she dropped off to sleep again, Julian still holding her hand. He would make sure that no one told her that he invented the surgery. He didn't want her to be angry with him for removing Dax, or grateful either, for saving her life. He felt sad for Jadzia. He knew that it would be hard for her without Dax, but she was strong and independent. She would adjust, maybe even like being her own person again. He only hoped that something could fill her emptiness and make her feel less alone. *Perhaps I can* thought Julian, hoping that he didn't have too much confidence in his abilities.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Another few days and Jadzia was feeling well enough to have visitors. Captain Sisko was the first to see her, and gave her a big hug when he came in.  
  
"How are you old man?" He said with a grin.  
  
"Better. You can't really call me old man anymore though." She said with a note of sadness in her voice.  
  
"Sure I can, if I want to. That is, if it's ok with you. You're not a different person than you were."  
  
"I guess not. I just feel,..empty. I remember everything; all their memories are still with me. But I can't talk with them anymore; I don't have their confidence. I feel alone and afraid."  
  
"It will be fine Jadzia. You have many friends, and we'll take care of you. It won't be any different than before." said Sisko.  
  
"But you were Curzon's friend, and now he's gone."  
  
"Curzon has been dead for some time now. I am Jadzia's friend now." he smiled at her.  
  
"Thank you Benjamin. I needed that. But what's going to happen to me? A Trill has never been unjoined before. What will the Symbiosis board to with me? Am I even fit to be the science officer anymore?"  
  
"Of course you're fit. You gained all your knowledge prior to the joining. I will do everything in my power to keep you here. We need you."  
  
"I would really love to stay. I couldn't bear to leave everyone, you, Nerys, and Julian." Her voice dwelled on Julian's name more than the others. She felt something for him, but she couldn't quite understand it.  
  
"I am very proud of Julian. It is a privilege to have him serve here. After what he did for you, I'm sure you don't want to leave him." Sisko didn't know the she hadn't been told of Julian's achievement.  
  
"Did for me? Do you mean how he saved my life?"  
  
"Of course." He said with a puzzled look. "That surgery he developed is amazing."  
  
"He developed it? He said it was an experimental surgery he just tested on me."  
  
"You mean he didn't tell you? I'm sorry, I should have been more careful."  
  
"It's too late, you'll have to tell me now." she said.  
  
" We had to make a choice. It was you or Dax, but Julian wouldn't settle for that. He thought of a way to replace the nerves that Dax joined with, and reconfigure your neural patterns so you could live safely without the symbiont. I don't fully understand it myself, but he spent over thirty hours non-stop operating on you. He's quite an amazing person." Benjamin said proudly.  
  
Jadzia could only stare at Benjamin and gasp. Julian had brushed it all off as some lucky coincidence, and had never let on that he did it all himself. Suddenly, she felt immeasurably grateful to be alive. After all, she had been annoyed with Dax lately; she could get used to being without it. She even felt a new sense of freedom; she could make her own decisions and mistakes, without having to depend on someone else's life experience to guide her. For some reason, she suddenly thought how strange it was to be a year younger than Julian, instead of a few centuries older.  
  
"Thank you for telling me Benjamin. I had a right to know."  
  
"I don't think Julian will appreciate it very much."  
  
"I'll be able to handle him when he finds out that I know. He probably didn't want me to feel grateful to him. Or angry." she said.  
  
"I'll leave you now to rest. You have to get strong enough to finish that Tandelorian bio report." Sisko said with a grin as he walked out of the infirmiry."  
  
A few minutes later, Major Kira came in with a friendly greeting.  
  
"It's really good to see you Jadzia. The station wouldn't be the same without you."  
  
"Thanks Nerys. I feel a lot better today. Julian thinks I might start walking tomorrow."  
  
"That is good news. The Captain just told me that you know what Julian did."  
  
"Yes, and I feel so grateful to him. He just doesn't give up does he. He never did. Remember that time he tried to save the little Tylithian mouse? When it died, he was sad for days."  
  
"You're a lot more important to him than a mouse, so it's not surprising that he did what he did. Jadzia, you may not want to hear this, but I think you should know anyway. He's in love with you. It's pretty obvious when you really stop and think about it."  
  
"Are you sure it's not just a passing..thing?" Jadzia asked with some anxiety.  
  
"I really don't think so. He's been in love with you since you first came to the station."  
  
"But what about Melora Kaszler? He was in love with her."  
  
"I don't think so. You were pretty busy then, and kind of ignoring him. I think he just needed company, and Melora was interested in him. Anyway, that was a long time ago. What matters now are your feelings. Is he still just a good friend? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just don't want to see him disappointed anymore."  
  
"Nerys, I don't...oh what's the use. I have to tell somebody." Jadzia then told Kira what she had been feeling for Julian, and about Dax's warnings. "I'm all confused. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'm really in love with him. What should I do?"  
  
"You have to decide that yourself. In my opinion, you ARE in love with him. Confusion is the first sign."  
  
"And how would you know?" Jadzia said grinning. "I bet you haven't been in love since you were a kid."  
  
"You'd be surprised." Kira said in low tone while blushing.  
  
"Was it Shakar? I know you hung around him a lot while he was here."  
  
"Not really. At the time I thought I was, but I soon found out he was really a jerk. But how did this conversation turn to me anyway?"  
  
Jadzia's matchmaking mischief was at work, and she quickly thought of something that at once surprised and pleased her.  
  
"Odo! It's Odo, isn't it? Does he know?"  
  
"How did you...wait a minute...you're not going to trap me into saying anything."  
  
"You just gave yourself away Nerys. It IS Odo. When did it happen?"  
  
"I guess you caught me." Kira said, looking sheepish." I don't know exactly. It just happened. Do you think he has feelings for me, Jadzia?" She asked, half-afraid of the answer.  
  
"I think he does. He's very attached to you. Remember how he acted when you were transferred off the station? Quark once told me that Odo actually tore up his quarters when you going with Shakar."  
  
"Really? So you think I have a chance?"  
  
"I'd say you have a very good one." Jadzia said with a smile.  
  
"Thanks Jadzia. See, things aren't any different than before, are they."  
  
"No, I guess they aren't." She said, feeling more contented than she had in years. Kira left the infirmiry, with a bounce in her stride, feeling very happy for Jadzia and for herself…  
  
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End file.
